facespace?? twatter??? tmblr???? blags??????? : a cmprhnsv guide

a lot of ppl come 2 me when they have a problem.
they say 2 me: "kate: i think i have a problem."
they tell me because they know i am the most knowledged about today's metaphysical metropolises.
the main prob ppl seem to be having these days is with the overload of blogs, mini-blogs, micro-blogs, and status feeds.
people ask me all the time:

• "wut is a myface/facespace??"
• "wut is a twat/twatter?"
• "wut is a blag?"
• "wut is a tmblr and y the fuck would ne1 evr need 1?"

and tho i am vrr dizzapntd in them &;; from then on will always view them as sumwut of an idiot, and otherwise generally look down on them, i help them out!

1st of all. myface is ded. at least 4 rl ppl. nowadays it is mostly 4 bands to post mp2s & tourdates. otherwise it is a barren wasteland w/ camwhore & emo buzzrds that live off of any source of attention they can find.

everything else is basically the same in different portions. yz, facespace has tons of other shit but the only shit ppl care bout is the status feed. and farmville but neway.

at da top of da peermid is twatter. twats post their statuses in lil bite-sized morsels so u can kno everythin they r doin always.

a lil bigger is fb statuses which give u a lil more of a timeframe/less detail.

then comes tmblr. a tmblr is a microblog, which requires more effert than tellin ppl wut yur doin but less than blagging. no1 knos how or why tumblr was created. it was first discovered by jesus when he rode his t-rex into da mystic forest of jerusalem. 4 sum reason he brought it back w/ him. to this day ppl ask "y would ne1 need a tmblr?" &;; no1 knos.

finely we hav da clazzix blag/xanga. a blag, or a xanga, is liek a diary but public so u dont rlly say wut u wanna say. ur werds hav meening in a blag, &;; ppl listen to nd respect/eprops u. blogs can be anything u want them 2 be as long as u hav the tiem/effert. i maed mine like dis. Some people like to make theirs like this, and use flowery language and metaphors to inform you of their interesting lives. basikly, luv ur blag & it will luv u bach.

to make sure u undrstnd dis complex system let us take a sichewashun & see an example of how u would express it w/ ea.

sichewashun: u r going out to da likur store 2 buy u/ur friends/ur family/ur preteen sibs sum likur.

twatter:
iluvthomyorke225 goin to go buy sum alcy ;)
10 minutes ago from web
iluvthomyorke225 drivin 2 the store
9 minutes ago from txt
iluvthomyorke225 just got 2 the store
3 minutes ago from txt
iluvthomyorke225 grabbin a 12pk of pbr
2 minutes ago from txt
iluvthomyorke225 total: $6.30! luv u pbr!!! :)
1 minutes ago from txt
iluvthomyorke225 mom cancelled my card!!!!!!! :'((((
less than 1 minute ago from txt

fb:
gonna go buy some pbr. brb.

tmblr:
will vary. ppl post weird shit on tmblrs that usually has nothing to do with them.

A Blog:
What a blasphemous day. I normally wouldn't go buy beer--at least not cheap beer-- on a Sunday morning, but on this particular day my Nintendo DSi has the gall to suddenly stop functioning. Sigh. I wander around the house for something to do, when I notice my good beer-drinking mug flirting with me and, capriciously, I decide to up it to the 7Eleven on the other side of town.

ewwwww im not gonna go on u get it.

HOPE U LERNED SUMTHING 2DAY.

ps check out my tmblr.

where the wild things at?

i'm waiting. one more month one more month. i got my shirt from UrbOutty today so i can OFFICIALLY BE A FAN and other fans can recognize me from a while away and we can share a look of deep understanding: of eachother's stifled inner child-- the pain it has had to go through while waiting for a movie adaptation of 'where the wild things are' to show it the path to maturehipsterhood; and of all the joy we are ready to receive into our hearts, to make everything right again, to stop our constant self-questioning and deep-down self-resentment, to give us some sign that maybe 2k10 won't suck, and to reduce the chance of another emotional breakdown when the acid wash body suit we wanted from AmAppy gets backordered.

maybe u think u r tough and not vulnerable. but ur wrong. we r all a lil' bit vulnerable, maybe it is around girls or maybe it is around more authentic hipsters or maybe ur middle school teacher is really intimidating. don't worry it's ok. those wild things r gonna help u.

i.e,: scene-ur-year/college-applying/college-life/starbucks-or-a-cooler-cafe-prices is makin u feel vulnerable. it's ok tho. or if it's not ok it will get ok. i thot my scene-ur classes would be crap without anyone. but then i had people in a few classes or i met new people and i got a 110 on an ap gov quiz and i reread WtWTA and things were brisk.

or if things srsly r suck, at least u hav ur ipod or lesser inferior mp3player with thombro&co. or drugs. but i recommend music unless you want to see cool things or have fun or feel better. or you can have both at once. but make sure everything in the equation is good. like for music try the beatles in stereo omg u thot u had heard it all but U HADNT. or if even that doesn't work try listening to every band you like at once and take all the drugs you can/want to.

could be a hit amirite.

so go try dat and tell me how it werks out. maybe i will post some albums l8r but i g2g write 192 spanish sentences. [[im not even exaggerating the number which is the whoaly shit graaahful thing.]]

IMPORTANT UPDATE: I have found a hole in my WtWTA t-shirt, and with it a hole in my heart. WHAT DO I DO. Do I return it??? Can I survive while I wait for a new one??? What if they are out of stock???? Can I even return it now??? What if they think I did it??? What if they won't give me a new one??? What if I don't deserve a new one??? WHAT WILL I DO WITHOUT MY SHIRT.